Whisper instead.If your kid is running all over the house...I'm betting you want to stand with your hands on your hips and your shoulders back in an authoritative position.
Sit down instead.
Say Bart is yelling at TT and TT is yelling back. My first response would be to yell over the top of them to shut up.
If I'm on my game though, I'll go to them first. That means I don't holler at them from my desk or the kitchen. I go to them.
When I get close to where the argument is escalating, I give them my full attention by making eye contact. I don't keep my phone in my hand. I don't watch the TV or anything else. I slow my speaking down and I use a quieter voice to tell them they need to lower their own voices.
As I assess the situation, I do what is natural. If I can sit down without it being super awkward, that's exactly what I do. If it would be weird for me to sit right then and there, I watch my own posture and positioning of my hands. I don't get too close to the kids. I don't tower over them.Kids that have suffered trauma can respond to threatening adults rather explosively. They have survived things that kids shouldn't have had to survive. They will do what it takes to protect themselves. When we sit down as we correct them, it makes our correction less of a threat. It's all about felt safety.
JUST NOW...Bart came to me and asked if he could have a sleepover this Friday night. I was sitting at my computer typing this blog post. My attention wasn't really on him. I stopped what I was doing, turned to him, and told him that it was unlikely that I would allow a sleepover this Friday. I mentioned that I have a full day of B.A.C.A. events on Saturday and I don't want to stay up late dealing with a house of testosterone the night before.
Bart started to get upset. He raised his voice. He started pacing around the room.
I rolled my desk chair out away from my desk. I put my hands in my lap. I stayed calm with my voice. I looked at him. I then tried to discuss the situation with him again.
He paced for a bit but his voice started to match mine. He started to get a little bit more upset and I pointed to a chair. He sat down. We actually discussed the situation. We even came to a bit of a compromise. I'm still leaning toward "no" for an answer. But if he can get me some information, I might change my mind.